2007-05-06 - 3:12 p.m.
Nya said something recently that was probably the sweetest thing that�s ever been said about me. She said I was her �knight in shining armor�. No one�s ever said that about me. Now, I suppose my �shininess� could be disputed � perhaps I�m in �rusting� armor or �dust-covered� armor.
I suppose that I�ve been aspiring to be a knight in shining armor most of my life. Especially as I got crazier in my early-20s, it became more important to me to show I was worthwhile by �saving� someone. Hence I dated girls even nuttier than me (like L. or K.), thinking (subconsciously at least) �Ah! Here is someone I can �show the way� to.� The way to what?
Did I ever mention my activities for Louise Woodward, the baby-shaking nanny? In late 1997, right after being homeless, I moved into a house in Central Square, Cambridge, and saw TV for the first time in a while. The very first thing I saw was the moment in that trial when they read the guilty verdict. Louise burst into tears. Wow, I thought. This is riveting. And all this is going on in the Cambridge courthouse, right near me.
I walked right to the outside of the courthouse. There was an absolute circus there of reporters covering the story inside and spontaneous gatherings of protestors, both pro- and anti-Louise. I stood with the pro-Louise folks. I believed that even if she had shaken the baby to death in anger, it was at worst manslaughter, not murder. Furthermore, what do you expect from an untrained 19-year old? I was even more horrified that rich parents would outsource something as central as childcare to some kid.
The pro-Louise crew hastily made plans to keep meeting and demonstrating. We never traded names, but most of the same people turned up at the rallies. It was a pretty varied group � a few British people there to support their countryman, middle-aged black women concerned about the childcare aspect, working-class folks opposed to the fact that the wealthy parents here didn�t take time to handle their own baby.
I don�t think our marching made much difference in the outcome of the case, but we were interviewed a bunch by the media. We had a big, self-congratulatory party at the end, when the judge reduced her conviction from murder to manslaughter and released her from jail with time served. Did we actually accomplish anything? Did I �rescue the princess�, so to speak? Probably not�
As I got older (and saner), I started understanding that �rescuing the princess� isn�t some discrete task, some �win� at the end of a video game. Donkey Kong is probably not holding her prisoner, to be freed in a flash by someone outside. She�s probably holding herself back and loosening the chains is an ongoing process that might take a lifetime. This should be a joyful experience. Every day, every moment, you can improve things.
Furthermore, the �princess� isn�t some passive object to be rescued. She�s an active part of her own development (an �agent�, to get all Brown about it). You can only help and be a facilitator. Knight in shining armor? Maybe there isn�t really any such thing. There�s no rescuing the princess as a single act you can do. It�s a journey you take together.
Nya�s said that she�s sick and I�m amazing for helping her. Well, guess what? I�m sick too. I think she�s amazing for helping me. Disability has made me so much more aware of misfortune in others. How can I just stand by while someone else suffers? I suppose there actually are some people with disabilities who�d be like �Can�t help you. I gotta take care of my own problem.� Probably some people without disabilities, too.
In airplane safety videos, they say: before helping others, make sure your own mask is secure. Well, my mask is okay. Of course I have a hard time moving around, but I�m not like in mortal peril. Solpsistically taking care of myself and ignoring others just ain�t me. I promise this. I will remain by Nya�s side no matter how hard it gets. I will keep helping her forever. I hope she gets better and I realize that could be a lifetime process.
I hope I get better, too. A cure for MS may be a long way off. But I can make my life better each day. Together, we can make Nya�s life better each day. Helping each other. Isn�t that what partnership�s all about?
� 2007 Geoff Gladstone
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