2007-05-06 - 3:12 p.m.
Nya said something recently that was probably the sweetest thing that’s ever been said about me. She said I was her “knight in shining armor”. No one’s ever said that about me. Now, I suppose my ‘shininess’ could be disputed – perhaps I’m in ‘rusting’ armor or ‘dust-covered’ armor.
I suppose that I’ve been aspiring to be a knight in shining armor most of my life. Especially as I got crazier in my early-20s, it became more important to me to show I was worthwhile by “saving” someone. Hence I dated girls even nuttier than me (like L. or K.), thinking (subconsciously at least) “Ah! Here is someone I can ‘show the way’ to.” The way to what?
Did I ever mention my activities for Louise Woodward, the baby-shaking nanny? In late 1997, right after being homeless, I moved into a house in Central Square, Cambridge, and saw TV for the first time in a while. The very first thing I saw was the moment in that trial when they read the guilty verdict. Louise burst into tears. Wow, I thought. This is riveting. And all this is going on in the Cambridge courthouse, right near me.
I walked right to the outside of the courthouse. There was an absolute circus there of reporters covering the story inside and spontaneous gatherings of protestors, both pro- and anti-Louise. I stood with the pro-Louise folks. I believed that even if she had shaken the baby to death in anger, it was at worst manslaughter, not murder. Furthermore, what do you expect from an untrained 19-year old? I was even more horrified that rich parents would outsource something as central as childcare to some kid.
The pro-Louise crew hastily made plans to keep meeting and demonstrating. We never traded names, but most of the same people turned up at the rallies. It was a pretty varied group – a few British people there to support their countryman, middle-aged black women concerned about the childcare aspect, working-class folks opposed to the fact that the wealthy parents here didn’t take time to handle their own baby.
I don’t think our marching made much difference in the outcome of the case, but we were interviewed a bunch by the media. We had a big, self-congratulatory party at the end, when the judge reduced her conviction from murder to manslaughter and released her from jail with time served. Did we actually accomplish anything? Did I “rescue the princess”, so to speak? Probably not…
As I got older (and saner), I started understanding that “rescuing the princess” isn’t some discrete task, some “win” at the end of a video game. Donkey Kong is probably not holding her prisoner, to be freed in a flash by someone outside. She’s probably holding herself back and loosening the chains is an ongoing process that might take a lifetime. This should be a joyful experience. Every day, every moment, you can improve things.
Furthermore, the “princess” isn’t some passive object to be rescued. She’s an active part of her own development (an “agent”, to get all Brown about it). You can only help and be a facilitator. Knight in shining armor? Maybe there isn’t really any such thing. There’s no rescuing the princess as a single act you can do. It’s a journey you take together.
Nya’s said that she’s sick and I’m amazing for helping her. Well, guess what? I’m sick too. I think she’s amazing for helping me. Disability has made me so much more aware of misfortune in others. How can I just stand by while someone else suffers? I suppose there actually are some people with disabilities who’d be like “Can’t help you. I gotta take care of my own problem.” Probably some people without disabilities, too.
In airplane safety videos, they say: before helping others, make sure your own mask is secure. Well, my mask is okay. Of course I have a hard time moving around, but I’m not like in mortal peril. Solpsistically taking care of myself and ignoring others just ain’t me. I promise this. I will remain by Nya’s side no matter how hard it gets. I will keep helping her forever. I hope she gets better and I realize that could be a lifetime process.
I hope I get better, too. A cure for MS may be a long way off. But I can make my life better each day. Together, we can make Nya’s life better each day. Helping each other. Isn’t that what partnership’s all about?
© 2007 Geoff Gladstone
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