2007-01-15 - 11:03 a.m.
I transitioned to this a few months ago, but it�s sometimes impossible to sense at the moment it happens. I am now Geoff 8.7. Like software, I think I progress through versions, with point upgrades and full upgrades. I first decided (or realized) this ascension was taking place a few years ago, but I�ve retroactively identified all the versions I�ve gone through.
Geoff 1.x was childhood Geoff, when I was little. Geoff 2.x was Geoff at Saint Ann�s School (or maybe just me in high school; it�s a little unclear this far back). Geoff 3.x was me at Harvard for college round 1 (I guess Geoff 3.2 was when I went to San Francisco for the year 1993-94 in between stints at school). Geoff 4.x was the dark days I spent being purposeless after I failed out of school (say mid-1995 to later 1998).
Geoff 5.x began when I started to get myself back together. I moved to the North End of Boston. This move was in no small part because I recognized (subconsciously at least) that Cambridge, where I lived was a haven for the bright-but-crazy and I�d never develop normalcy unless I left it, even just to go across the river to Boston. I picked the North End to live in because it initially reminded me of the Brooklyn of my youth (how wrong I was; by the time I left it reminded me more of Italian-American Disneyland�)
I got a serious girlfriend. I stopped random freelance work on small indie films and started taking regular day jobs, first as a temp and then for a real estate developer, where I discovered my interest in urbanism. In some ways, this pulling myself back on track was the toughest iteration I�ve been through. (Of course, it�s a damn good thing I did it.)
Then I got sick and progressed to Geoff 6.x. Looking back, I can see I had a growing dissatisfaction with what I was doing at the start of this phase. I think I was tired of muddling along with a mediocre, low-paying job. I wanted to be an Ivy Leaguer again. I restarted college at Brown during this iteration; perhaps that was Geoff 6.5. Maybe 6.6 was second semester and 6.7 and 6.8 were when I lived in Boston with Alithea, commuting down to Brown.
Being sick was at first just a kick in the head; I didn�t have any serious physical symptoms yet. But in late spring 2004, I developed visible disability. Alithea soon left me (doubtless thinking �Wait a minute � I didn�t sign on for this��) and I moved back to Providence. I started life as an identifiable crip, living by myself in a small, Brown-owned apartment and working for the summer at the Providence Plan.
I was Geoff 7.0. Geoff 7.1 was the first semester and Geoff 7.2 was the second. During these phases, I came to terms with my disability and learned better how to negotiate moving through the world. Geoff 7.5 started when I graduated and shortly thereafter re-met Nya. This was the phase when we first fell back in love. We went to Lilydale together, where I met Nya�s family. Later we lived together for a month in Denver.
Moving to Chicago marked the start of Geoff 8.0. A few months later, some of the coldness of reality set in and I became Geoff 8.1. In pretty quick succession, the weather turned cold, I found out the truth about Social Security disability benefits, and I got turned down to participate in an experimental MS treatment. Geoff 8.5 began when Nya and I got engaged. Geoff 8.6 started when we became homos.
Now I�m Geoff 8.7. I didn�t realize what was happening at the time, but when we went to DC for my friend�s wedding, I was having a very serious flare-up of my MS. It left residual damage. Like now I can no longer walk, even by grabbing onto walls and furniture like I used to. Now I use a motorized wheelchair and we�ve rearranged the furniture to make this easier.
I actually bought the powerchair over the summer and just didn�t use it. It was being advertised on craigslist for super-cheap and I figured I should get it for someday, just in case. Good thing I did; best $200 I ever spent. The guy selling it said it had been used by his father who was now deceased. He had MS and wanted the chair to be passed on to a young person with MS. I said I was happy to volunteer.
It�s from like 1999 and originally cost thousands of dollars, so I guess I got a good deal. But it annoyingly doesn�t work in the rain. There�s all kinds of electrical hardware just hanging out in the open. So I still use my manual chair in bad weather. It also irritatingly doesn�t fit under a table. Back in the day, it was decided that since standard table height is 30�, wheelchair arm height should also be 30�. These days many wheelchairs have diagonal corners on the arms, so there�s room to slide under a table, but this one does not.
Still, these are relatively minor quibbles. Generally, I�m extremely happy with the chair and the independence it gives me. Nya�s happy too, since using it means there are far fewer opportunities for me to fall down and maybe hurt myself. And I can travel quite far when I use it outside. I never really was very good at pushing my chair around by hand.
I don�t know if there�ll be any more point upgrades to Geoff 8.x. But I�m very much looking forward to Geoff 9.0 when I marry Nya.
� 2007 Geoff Gladstone
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