2007-07-20 - 2:22 p.m.
For our honeymoon, we took a cruise out of New York (Brooklyn, in fact!) to the Caribbean. There were stops in Bermuda, Puerto Rico, St. Thomas, and Grand Turk. We however only got off in San Juan, Puerto Rico, which turned out to be kind of a scary excursion. But it was really fun just being on the ship. I didn�t expect this, but I highly recommend cruising. Especially if you use a wheelchair. The ship is like a giant floating hotel and everything you want � food, drink, entertainment � is right on board.
We got off the ship when it stopped in San Juan, Puerto Rico. �Old San Juan� seems to be an area intended to attract tourists. Our map had various historical points of interest labeled, but we wanted to get to the drugstore they�d also indicated because I needed a new toothbrush. The place does turn up the charm and quaintness, with steep, windy streets on a hill and narrow, crowded sidewalks. But for exactly these reasons, it�s a really inhospitable place to someone in a wheelchair � downright scary in fact.
It didn�t help that they would fool you about curb cuts sometimes. There would be a curb cut at one corner of the block, all marked out clearly in blue paint. So you�d make your way down the sidewalk, trying to navigate around the numerous other pedestrians and praying you don�t get hit by a car whizzing down the narrow street mere inches from you. Then you�d get to the far end of the block and find that there was no curb cut there. You�d have to go all the way back to the corner you started at and figure out an alternate route. How charming. How quaint.
We eventually got to the drugstore. I still don�t understand why it was marked on the map. Do people think they can get otherwise-unavailable over-the-counter medicine there? An alarming number of people seem to think that Puerto Rico is a foreign country. Lots of jewelry shops and other businesses catering to tourists had signs saying �No import tariffs to USA!� Uh. That�s because Puerto Rico is the USA. We got the toothpaste and, figuring we should at least eat while we�re here, went to lunch at a nearby restaurant.
Like most businesses in the area, the restaurant was not accessible. Specifically it had what is becoming my favorite ridiculous barrier to entry: a step up at the front door. This is ridiculous because it�s so easy to fix. You just convert the step into a slope, either by carving out material from it or (cheapest of all) plopping down some macadam in front of it and smushing it into a grade. Why isn�t this routinely done now? I�ll talk more about inaccessibility in the built environment in the next entry but, it being a nice day out, we opted to sit outside at a table on the sidewalk out front.
I had a few drinks. I was kind of wary of drinking in front of on-the-wagon Nya, but I really needed it. Both to recover from the treacherous-feeling navigating through the narrow streets and to steel myself for going all the way back down the hill to our ship. But for the moment, there was a beautiful pause. We were in San Juan! On a gorgeous day! On our honeymoon! Man! What was on the menu? They had mofungo, which I really liked and brought back good memories. I thought topping it with expensive shellfish missed the point of a simple peasant dish, but whatever.
The trip back down the hill proved to be as scary as I�d feared (at least I was fortified with Dutch courage). I passed out asleep when we got back to the ship. We didn�t disembark at any of the other ports. Partially this was just fear of repeating my experience in San Juan. Partially it was the fact that most later stops took place in the morning and on this trip we weren�t really being morning people. Plus, staying on the ship when most other people are ashore is kind of cool � there are no lines and no annoying people at the pool.
You also don�t have to wait to get a seat at the dining hall. Eating is like the main attraction on a cruise. You eat constantly. We actually could go to a buffet at 3AM (not that we ever did, but still). There are multiple dining halls for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. There�s afternoon tea with little sandwiches and cakes. In mid-afternoon, they give away desserts at a central piazza (you can buy them at other times). They give away ice cream at times by a certain pool (again, you can also buy it).
The dining halls are all named after Renaissance artists (like Michelangelo or da Vinci); presumably you were supposed to associate your meal with fine art. When we ate, I tried to get whatever exotic meat was offered. I had frog�s legs (I�d had them before and, yes, they taste just like chicken) and rabbit (which I love, but it was chopped up too small in a sauce over pappardelle) and �rollmops� (apparently another term for �herring� � ewww) and bison (a bit too dry for the burger I got it in � I should have known).
Food of course was not the only entertainment available. There�s a big theater on board, like the kind with a stage. They also use it during the day for movie screenings, like The Queen which we finally saw after saying we should see it for months when it first came out. But they have live theater shows every night, a different one almost every time. We saw a couple, - a Noel Coward revue and the closing night show with a British singer/guitarist duo. They were actually pretty good, considering the same cast has to perform like six different shows.
I remember at Harvard there were several theater-types who had done cruise ship work in the summers. They said it wasn�t a bad gig. You got food and shelter in addition to pay. Of course, performing a different shoddily-scripted musical revue every night (let�s be honest: they ain�t exactly Shakespeare) must get a bit tedious. But I was impressed with our ship�s cast�s (an international mix of South Africans, Australians, Britons, and Americans) ability to always give it their all and razzle-dazzle every night. Hey, it�s pretty cool that they were doing this to entertain me.
We went to a lot of trivia contests. Not that we ever won (so I never proved my worth), but they were fun. I think our fatal flaw was that we always second guessed ourselves. We should have heeded our gut instinct. For example, one question asked what Beatles ballad had been voted greatest song of the twentieth-century by Rolling Stone magazine. �Yesterday�, of course, but we decided that was �too obvious� so we went with �Hey Jude�. Duh. At least Nya answered some bonus question correctly and won us a coupon for a free luggage strap. We never redeemed it though and I�m not even sure what a luggage strap is.
We also saw a lot of comedians. I�d imagine doing stand-up on a cruise ship isn�t exactly the pinnacle of comedy, but at least it pays the bills and the performers were funny. Nya would usually talk to them afterwards to get advice on performing stand-up. Stand-up comedy is very different from the improv/sketch she usually does. She�s thinking of branching out into it, but hasn�t quite worked up the guts yet. I hope she does; I think she�s hilarious and I want lots of other people to get a taste of her humor.
The first night (well actually second, as we were dead asleep on the first) Nya got to be part of the act. Early in his routine he asked if it was anyone�s birthday or anniversary. Nya said she was on her honeymoon. Later on, he called her up to the stage to be a participant. He would tell a story and she would make sound effects to go along with it. Apparently, �sound effects� is a not uncommon improv game. He didn�t know Nya was familiar with it, as he�d never asked if she were an improviser.
The comedian told a story about going to Alaska and seeing seals. He would point to her when he wanted her to make sound effects. But before he ever pointed and after he�d said �Alaska�, Nya was already making the sound of Alaska (which she decided was sort of a blustery blowing noise). The audience (and the comedian too!) cracked up at her unprompted effect. They kept laughing when she did sound effects that were signaled for (although maybe seals barking and the sound of glaciers is just inherently funny).
After the show, lots of people came up to thank Nya for making such funny sound effects and congratulate her n her wedding. For days afterwards actually fellow passengers would tell us they saw that show and Nya was the funniest part! In fact, they were just telling their sister about it�
I think � no, I�m positive! � that Nya is the funniest part of my life and I�m very glad that we�ll be sharing it together from now on. Forever and always.
� 2007 Geoff Gladstone
Sign My Guestbook!
powered by SignMyGuestbook.com
�
