2006-09-26 - 11:38 a.m.
So, I’m trying to bank my sperm. Chemotherapy, which I’ve had a lot of, often makes you infertile. I didn’t realize this when I first went on treatment. When I later found out this was the case, I expressed shock and horror to a nurse at the Boston MS center. She sympathized, but pointed out that, after all, I’d signed a consent form saying I understood the risks involved. That may indeed be true, but I explained that I was a little distraught when I first started chemo, having only recently found out I’d come down with a serious degenerative illness. I probably would have signed anything put in front of me!
I went off chemotherapy after that, temporarily. I hoped the rest from toxic chemicals would give my reproductive powers a chance to recoup. I mean, never underestimate the power to conceive. As we used to say in sixth grade biology:
The purpose of life –
That’s really all you have to do. Surely my reproductive system would rise above.
On Friday I went to a fertility specialist. It was surprisingly reassuring. The doctor had an excellent bedside manner. He poked around a bit down there and told me to relax. Although he couldn’t say definitively at this point, he felt there was a very good chance I had viable sperm. There were several different ways to harvest it. (I don’t really feel comfortable going into detail about this, but let’s just say I can’t give sperm the old fashioned way.) Did I want to conceive with it now? I said that Nya (who was with me) and I wanted to wait until after we were married. Maybe for some time.
Hopefully not never. See, Nya (who obviously has a considerable role in this) has said that she sometimes feels like she spends a lot of time just dealing with me. Adding a baby to the mix seems like an insurmountable practical complication at this point. It hurts to hear that, a lot when I really think about it. But maybe she’s quite right. I’m in particularly bad shape now, having been off chemo, off any kind of MS treatment for over nine months. Just in the last few weeks I’ve been especially bad, falling all over the place. As much as I want a kid, I worry about my ability to help take care of it and I certainly don’t want to make Nya’s life any harder.
Still, I very much want the option to procreate. Other people do it all the time, even some who probably shouldn’t. I have a blood test to further judge my chances scheduled for next week. Wish me luck.
© 2006 Geoff Gladstone
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