2006-02-17 - 8:40 p.m.
So on Valentine�s Day I did that thing, y�know with the ring. I asked Nya to marry me and she said yes! She insists she had no idea it was coming. I�ve been pretty sure I was going to do it for a while and it�s been hard trying not to let it slip. Like I haven�t even said anything about it here because I know she reads this. I only posted that piece on the 14th right before we went out and I knew she wouldn�t see it.
I�d been joking with friends about proposing on Valentine�s Day for like months, but the longer I was with Nya, the more I knew I wanted to really do it. A couple weeks ago I followed the traditional order of things by asking her father for permission and her stepfather (who�s been in her life since she was little) for his blessing. When they assented, I knew there was no turning back now.
I was so nervous before we went to the restaurant. Then I got a phone call from a regular-age student from Brown with whom I�d had a class who�d also gone to Saint Ann�s School like Nya and me. I�d messaged her on the Facebook and asked if they still took a certain photo/award for the yearbook (Nya and I had been talking about it). Also I mentioned my proposal plans.
She said that yes, the yearbook still designated the King and Queen of Nothing (it�s a long story), and that she was calling rather than emailing me back because she was so excited about what I was doing. She wished me good luck. It was so surprisingly comforting to receive an unexpected good luck benediction from someone who�d gone to our same school much later. Does that make any sense?
I put on a suit, but couldn�t find a plain white undershirt. So underneath my dress shirt, I wore a t-shirt I�d stolen from Nya in high school and still have all these years later. It�s worn quite thin and I almost never wear it, but I figured tonight was special. It�s white with ten yellow smiley faces (you couldn�t see them through my grey dress shirt after I turned the t-shirt inside-out).
It�s cycled in and out of fashion a number of times. I guess it was originally a late-80s acid house design and by a few years later, it wasn�t cool to wear anymore. Then there was a certain retro 1970s appeal in the smiley faces, so it was in again in like the mid- to late-90s. Then �70s sartorial grooviness got kind of played out and it wasn�t stylish again. Maybe by now, late-80s acid house has a certain retro cachet and it�s cool again.
Anyway, it made me feel better to wear something from when we knew each other back in the day next to my heart. I�ve been asked sometimes if I�m basically in love with the memory of Nya then. Fuck no, not at all. (If nothing else we were both kind of headcases as teens, who you might not want to deal with now.) But the fact is that the Nya I knew in 1989 is an inseparable part of the Nya I love in 2006.
That we shared our lives in some of our early years (no we didn�t lose our virginity together, since I�m sure you�re wondering) makes her a more complete continuum to me now. And look, it�s just plain cool that I�m now engaged to the girl I dated in high school. We�ve already been talking about having our wedding ceremony in front of the Manhattan skyline under the Brooklyn Bridge, where we used to drink as kids.
We took a cab and got out down the block from Alinea�s address (we were going down the other side of the street and it was easier to turn around and get out at a nearby driveway). But when we went to the address, there was just an unmarked door. We pulled it open and entered an empty hallway, dimly-lit but elegant-looking in a simple, modern way. When we went about 50 feet in, a pressure-sensitive sensor opened a door to our side. Whoa. Sci-fi indeed.
We went in to find a very fancy space with seemingly dozens of staff milling around. There was a seating area to our left, a sleek black stairway to more upstairs, and a vast and exceptionally clean-seeming kitchen where you could see Chef Grant Achatz working. They had our table ready. While Nya was in the bathroom, the maitre d� (who I�d called about what was up) asked how I was feeling. I admitted I was nervous.
We were seated at a black wooden table in a corner, one of only five or six in the room. They brought out plates to rest our silverware on because they don�t use tablecloths. They also brought us a small honeycomb on a block of wood as a centerpiece or something, although Nya and I both tried to see if we could wipe it and taste the honey. We were given glasses of champagne �to complement the first course� and asked if we�d like wine pairings for all twelve.
I said that 12 glasses of wine seemed rather excessive. But the waiter assured us they were only partial pours that added up to about three glasses in total, so we got the wine. In retrospect, this was a mistake. I actually do a little better physically after one drink (I�m looser and my body�s not fighting itself), but I�m in pretty bad shape when I�m hammered (like after the glass of champagne before the meal, the congratulatory glass they gave us after, and the pours of wine in between).
I lost my balance and fell down when I went to the bathroom and when we got home. Of course, Nya was drunk too and hey, I needed at least one drink to calm me down. But I wasn�t soused yet and the surging adrenaline could have cut through any intoxicant at that point. I had the ring in my pocket and a packet of cards to give her. This was actually somewhat of a predicament because there were twelve courses (they said there�d be fewer when I called) and I only had nine cards. I�d just have to skip a few to space it out.
(I just want to say that the diamond was originally from my paternal grandmother�s engagement ring. I was so psyched when I got it from my parents because first of all, hey, free diamond. But perhaps more importantly, I just don�t agree with the stone trade. When you buy a diamond, at worst it�s a blood-stone mined by slave labor on the sly, the profits from which go to buy arms for some militia to kill people.
At best, profits go to continue DeBeers� crazy monopoly and fund marketing to make consumers believe that diamonds are incredibly rare and so worth their ridiculous jacked-up prices, when really they�re not especially rare. And you give this blood- and bullshit-drenched stone to someone you love? Fuck that. Estate stones or mechanically-created, but no less real, Gemesis for me. Remember that scene in Superman where he crushes a lump of coal into a diamond? Same idea.)
I�ll describe our food and the cards I gave her, but I�ll just name the wines. I�m no Wine Advocate and I don�t know what to say about them (�a big, bold, fruity red� is all I can think of). Besides, I was pretty smashed by course eight or so (I�d written numbers on the envelopes to be sure I was giving the cards in the right order in preparation for exactly this) and I really couldn�t describe what I was drinking anyway.
Actually, I don�t even think I can talk well about what we ate. I�ll say generally that it was all incredibly delicious. Chef Achatz and the restaurant certainly deserve all the acclaim they�re getting. But I�m afraid I was a bit too anxious to concentrate fully on the food. It all kind of runs together in my memory as a haze of tastiness. And crazy preparation techniques; the place is a temple of �food science�. If you have money to burn in Chicago, you won�t go wrong at Alinea.
The first course is described in the menu as �hot potato� with �cold potato, white truffles, parmesan�.I seem to recall this as a sort of creamy potato soup with a whole small potato in the middle (I guess this was the �cold potato�). The champagne we were served (I guess it was actually just sparkling wine, from France but not the Champagne region) was �Henri Billot Grand Cru Brut Rose�. Indeed. Uh. It was good.
After this, I gave her a card with a picture of two candy hearts on the front. Above each was written �So glad�. The first heart said �I�M YOURS� and the second said �YOU�RE MINE� (which is often just what I say and she says). Inside was a heart saying �I LOVE YOU�. I�d pasted a note saying:
You are my heart. My spirit jumps and my pulse skips with you around. I have no greater joy than making you happy. Light of my life? That ain�t nothing. I belong to you entirely.
I love you.
Nya sobbed when she got each of these. At first I thought this seemed like a bad sign, but then I realized they were tears of joy. She told me later that she�d never really cried in happiness before. Sure, she cries at weddings and such but never before at something personal to her. She said she was incredibly touched by my words and looked eagerly at the pile of remaining cards. Couldn�t she just get them all now? I was a little tempted to do this, but I resolved to stick to my schedule.
The next course was �chestnut� with �too many garnishes to list�. The chestnut was a puree at the bottom of the dish, which I thought at first was a very smooth textured block of fish. Sitting on top of it were various things you were supposed to spoon the puree over. I�m afraid I can�t remember just what these were. One was a small edible leaf-type cup filled with a delicious green substance (sorry I can�t be more specific) and one was a flavorless (a rarity) white foam.
This was paired with �Gugiarolo� Pinot Nero Blanco from Oltrepo Pavese (2004). Uh, shoot. It was white. I liked it. I�m not very good at this, am I? I didn�t give a card with this course. We were both then given �a gift from the chef� (I�d feel special except I noticed every other diner got one too). An inch-wide ball floating in a sweet broth in a tall shot glass. When I drank it back, I found the ball was a shell of sweet yumminess surrounding a creamy center of more yumminess.
Then we got course three, salsify (that�s a root vegetable) with �parsley, smoked salmon, steelhead roe�. (As I said to my great-aunt when she was staring in amazement at a table of three kinds of caviar with Skyy Vodka shots at a wealthy cousin�s bat mitzvah: �Look, Aunt Norma! They got lox!�) The little fish eggs were kind of hard to chase around the plate and scoop up, but great when they popped inside your mouth.
The wine was Wieninger Nussberg �Alte Reben� from Vienna (2001). It was, ah hell. Why am I even bothering? Maybe I can�t describe the wines eloquently, but I�ll just say I have enough of a palette to know they were all really amazing. There was a wine pairing with almost every course, but they fortuitously asked around course ten if we�d had enough. We looked at each other�s drunken rosy glow and decided we probably had.
So after this course, I gave her another card. It had a picture of Snoopy on top of his doghouse blowing pink heart-shaped bubbles. A few months ago, we went to a stationary store to buy a condolence card. I imagined the most absurd card and started giggling while we were browsing. When I went to pay, I stifled my laughter and choked a protest to the cashier. �Don�t you have a Peanuts condolence card? �Good grief! Someone died!�� I guess she didn�t realize I was joking, because she got all apologetic they didn�t carry that. Uh. Anyway, the message in this one said:
You are fascinating. I always want to learn more about you. We knew each other when we were younger, but haven�t known each other since then. You have a world of new things I want to hear again and again.
I love you.
The next course was Dungeness crab with �malt, chanterelles, dried apricot�. The malt covered the lumps of crab meat and made it look like they were encased in pasta, like ravioli or something. The dried apricot added a nice additional sweet tone to the crab and the chanterelles were an earthy contrast. I�m afraid I�m not sure what card I got her next, because we can�t find it and I don�t recognize it on the Hallmark website (where I got them all). But the message inside said:
You are beauty. The first time I understood what beauty was, I was looking at you. Today you are still a goddess on earth to me � everything indescribably gorgeous and more than I could ever hope for.
I love you.
The next course was pork with �grapefruit, cornbread, Ohio honeycomb�. I don�t really remember this one, although it sounds almost traditional. Nya must have gotten some kind of substitution (fish probably) because she doesn�t eat meat (well, not land animals anyway). I wish I could recall how the honeycomb was involved or why it matters that it�s from Ohio. Again though, I assure you it was delicious.
The card I gave her after this was in Spanish. Neither of us speak Spanish (we conned ourselves into taking French in high school; what a dumb move), but I think the upside-down exclamation points look pretty comically excited. The front said ���Te adoro!� Inside was printed ��Me apoyas... Me escuchas... Me tocas� Me besas... Me abrazas... �Me Encantas! Feliz D�a de San Valent�n�. I�m sure that means like all lovely stuff and shit. My note inside said:
You are my delight. I always have fun and laugh with you. In great improv, playing around may look easy even if it�s actually hard. But playing around with you feels as natural and basic as breathing, even though it�s the most magical thing in the world.
I love you.
Our next course was probably the most sci-fi seeming one. It was a single small sweet potato �with bourbon, cinnamon fragrance�. This was served in a cup-shaped thing made of disconnected prongs. You forked the potato out from where it was nestled between the prongs and popped it in your mouth. It was like deep-fried or something (or probably zapped in a plasma beam). A crispy layer of goodness on the outside surrounding moister, softer potato goodness on the inside.
I didn�t give Nya a card after this. The next course was duck with �quince, onion, pillow of mace�. This one was exceptionally sci-fi as well. They brought us a pillow made of a tough cheesecloth-like fabric. Then a plate of duck meat saut�ed in small lattices (sea bass for Nya) was placed on top of them. The pillows were filled with mace-infused steam, which the weight of the plates slowly pushed out to further flavor the dish. Whoa.
Nya got another card after this. It had a picture of a quill pen on the front, surrounded by writing that seemed to be in some fictional non-Roman alphabet. The inside was covered with a blank sheet of cream-colored paper, like parchment. My note (I�d printed out all of these and cut them into small blobs that I pasted above a nearly-illegible hand-scrawled �Geoff�) said:
You are my legs. I couldn�t do nearly as much as I do without your help. I worry all the time about being a burden and it makes me feel so lucky that you�re happy when you help me.
I love you.
The next course was grilled chunks of Kobe beef (eggplant for Nya) with �yogurt, squash, smoked paprika candy�. Man, was it tasty. I�m sure you want to know about the smoked paprika candy, but I unfortunately can�t recall it. It must not have been very big, probably just small chunks as garnishes. I didn�t give Nya a card after this. The menu says the next course was �applewood� (bacon?) with �muscovado sugar, fenugreek�, but I don�t remember this at all. What the hell is muscovado sugar, anyway?
After this, I gave Nya another Peanuts card. There was a series of three pictures of Snoopy sitting on the ground. In the first one, he�s alone. In the second, Woodstock flies in carrying a heart. In the third, he�s flying away, having planted the heart ona concerned-looking Snoopy�s nose. Aw. Inside it said �Happy Valentine�s Day� on the right. On the left, I�d pasted:
You are my inspiration (yeah, yeah � eat a dick Peter Cetera). For you, I do things I never thought I could do and I strive to do more. You make me want to be a better me.
I love you.
The next course was a piece of hazelnut cake with �carrot, raisin, melted butter�. As you might imagine, it was incredible. Maybe not the best piece I�ve ever had (that would be various birthday cakes I�ve eaten), but really damn good. The card I gave her after was triangle-shaped. It was printed on the front with light orange fruits on a white background and a cursive �I�m thinking of you�. Inside was printed �I always do� and my message:
You are my other half. There has never been a more perfect fit. I feel so completely comfortable with you. You are my partner and complement in a way more perfect than anything I ever imagined.
I love you.
Next on the menu is chocolate with �kola nut, chufa, date�. I�m allergic to both chocolate and kola (Coke or Pepsi? I can�t have either�), so they must have brought me a substitute. Unfortunately, I can�t recall what it was (hey, I was pretty toasty drunk by now and getting more antsy as the big moment approached). Something with raspberries? I gave Nya her penultimate card, pink with heart-spotted dice on the front and a written �Valentine�� Inside it said �How did I get so lucky in love?� My note:
You are everything I�ve ever wanted. When I wake up next to you, I feel like I�ve won. Or rather, like I�m winning. Because the best part is that there�s tomorrow and the next day and the next.
I love you.
The menu lists our last course as �more chocolate� with �five aromatics�. My substitution was vacuum-dried peanut butter. This was a bowl of what looked like little peanut chunks, but dissolved into a super-creamy texture when you put them in your mouth. A sci-fi finish. I had the box with the ring in my hand now and gave Nya the last card.
It said �L�Chaim� (�to life�, in Hebrew) in rainbow letters on the front. I originally got it because it was listed as a money holder card (as we all know, the Jews have all the money and are in league to share it with each other) and I thought it would have a pocket into which I could tuck a proposal note where it wouldn�t be seen initially. But when I got it, I found it was just a tri-fold where a note might easily fall out and flutter to the floor.
I decided that asking The Question other than by verbalizing it could be a bit of a cop-out. I would still use the card (I find showy Jewish cultural tropes sort of amusing, as I think of faith as a very personal matter). But I would propose out loud. When you feel something so strongly, you should just sing it out. Yeah. Okay, so maybe I was gripping the ring box like a vice in my nervousness. The note pasted in the card said:
You are the best of my past, the most wonderful part of my youth, even if I didn�t always realize it at the time. You are the best of my present, what makes me pinch myself to make sure I�m not dreaming every day. I want my future to be with you, the best possible world. Forever and always.
She was in tears when she read this and maybe she sensed what was coming. I told her that I could have picked a virtually limitless number of other reasons she means the world to me. I wanted to spend the rest of my life exploring those and discovering even more. Would she marry me? I presented the ring.
And she said yes. Wow! I�m going to marry Nya, my girlfriend from 15 and the love of my life now. She�s the best thing that�s ever happened to me. Could I be happier? No, I could not.
� 2006 Geoff Gladstone
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