2006-02-16 - 3:47 p.m.
I�m going to write a full recounting of our engagement(!) tomorrow, because that will actually make one year since I posted about remeeting Nya in my top 5 ex-girlfriends project. But I�ll let you know now that it was indeed successful, so I�m now affianced! We may have left a couple of the cards I gave her at the restaurant cause we can�t find them now. I called yesterday to say my girlfriend may have left them there and could they look for them. Then I realized I had misspoke and corrected myself. My fianc� may have left some cards there!
Since then, we�ve both been having random emotional surges and been telling people who didn�t ask that we just got engaged. At her job, Nya caught herself unnecessarily gesticulating to patrons to show off her ring. A maintenance man in my building came by my apartment with a plumber yesterday morning. I had to announce that I�d gotten engaged the night before! Uh, congratulations. Nya may have trumped me in the accosting strangers department though. She was buying Band-Aids at the 7-11 on her corner and told the counter clerk that she was engaged. Look at my ring! Uh, $1.89 please.
But yeah, Band-Aids. Last night I was walking into my living room to watch �Law & Order� (NBC preempted the new episode for the Winter Olympics, so I settled for reruns on TNT) when I fell down. No big deal; I have a carpeted floor and it happens all the time. But my glasses flew off when I hit the ground and I couldn�t see where they landed. I crawled around looking for them. At one point I was halfway standing and turning around when I lost my balance. I came crashing down hard and smashed the back of my head on the edge of the coffee table.
It hurt a lot. I was writhing on the floor and yelping. I could feel something sticky on the back of my head. I touched it and found I was bleeding (scalp wounds apparently bleed pretty profusely). This was really scary. I hadn�t split my skin in a fall since right after I met Nya again. I remembered when I told Jake about how I basically started becoming visibly disabled right after a job interview. He�d said it sounded like maybe once I had the relief of successfully completing something I wanted to do badly, a worse physical state rushed in that I�d been subconsciously warding off under pressure.
Maybe. I had indeed just finished doing something I very much wanted to do. But I don�t think I was actually carefully considering my situation at that exact moment. Those thoughts came later. Right then, my head was bleeding heavily and I was trying not to panic. I slid up to sit on the couch and called Nya on my cell. She was fortunately back at her apartment after finishing her show. I couldn�t think of what to say beyond �I�m bleeding� and she said she�d be right over. I crawled to my bed and lay down, turning my head to not put weight on the gash (and not get the pillow all bloody).
When Nya came in, she wiped the blood of my hands and head. She held me (gently) and let me sob. I mostly just needed comfort. It was scary to see all that blood, but we agreed that I seemed totally lucid and probably hadn�t suffered any damage beyond a scalp injury. We live just a few blocks from a hospital but if I went to the ER, it would be expensive (I have no health insurance right now) and they�d just stitch me up and send me home with a bunch of pointless prescriptions to protect themselves from liability. Do I really need stitches where I have hair? Even if I completely shave my head someday, I�ll just maybe have a scar that Nya thought would be sexy.
I thought about what had happened. I had just asked Nya to share my life. Part of that life now involved sometimes splitting my scalp open and bleeding all over. I didn�t want a partner to have to choose to sign on for this. But Nya said she didn�t think much of it. Shit happens. Bleeding is a part of life, of my life, and of course she wanted to be involved in that. She said she never made a conscious decision about whether she was psychologically prepared to date someone with a disability. She was just in love with me and disability was part of me. I�m not sure I�m making this clear, but it did make me feel better.
It had a drink and some aspirin and cleaned the cut out (rubbing alcohol; it stung, but you gotta do what you gotta do). We sat on the couch and vegged out in front of the TV (it�s extraordinary what a product of its time 9 to 5 is). I thought more about gender and disability. Straight men with disabilities are seeking romantic partners in the traditional caregiving gender. It seems like straight women with disabilities face a much bigger obstacle finding a partner willing to deal with them. And yet many do (my teacher Sarah, for example). But I think that�s a riff for another time.
More engagement details tomorrow!
� 2006 Geoff Gladstone
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