2005-09-16 - 12:20 p.m.
My computer wasn�t working right the other day, so I called tech support. I was connected to what was apparently a service center in India. (N.�s written a sketch about a company that trains its customer service reps to speak with an Indian accent so callers will think they�re big enough to outsource their call center.) The representative who took my call had an obvious Indian accent, but had chosen as her English alias the name �Yolanda�.
Now non-native speakers of English as customer service reps are somewhat annoying at a basic level. They generally have a very specific script to field your call and if you say something that deviates from the expected responses, they usually get lost and just repeat the last line they gave from the script. Not to mention that someone 8,000 miles away is often pretty unhelpful with whatever problem you�re having at your desktop.
I once had a wireless mouse and needed to change the batteries. But I couldn�t figure out how to open the battery case to do so. There was obviously some way of manipulating it that I was just missing. It had come as part of my desktop system, so I figured I�d call the tech support number and they could help me. I was of course connected to a call center in India.
After certifying that I was an authorized owner of a computer from their company by crawling around on the floor to find various product codes on the CPU, I told the service rep that I simply needed to change the batteries in my mouse and wanted to know the trick to opening it. This seemed to not be a problem on the regular service script. In fact, I had a hard time even successfully explaining the problem to him. I could almost hear him frantically searching his database for this issue.
�Okay.� There was a long pause. �Turn your computer off with the power switch, wait 30 seconds, then turn it back on.�
�Uhm, there�s nothing wrong with my computer. I just need to know how to open my mouse.�
This was met by silence from India.
�Okay. Turn your computer off with the power switch, wait 30 seconds, then turn it back on.�
This was going nowhere. I hung up. When Alithea came home, she looked at the mouse for about ten seconds and showed me which latch to flip. All that toll-free circuiting of my call across continents. Of course he couldn�t help me. Even after he understood the problem, it�s not like he had my model mouse in front of him.
He had introduced himself as �Carlos�. Carlos and Yolanda. Why did they pick these names? It�s pretty certain that parents in India aren�t giving their babies the names of American minority groups. And it�s obvious from their voices that they�re not based in Walla Walla, WA. It�s not like they�re fooling anyone.
I�m curious. If you could pick any name you want from our society, why wouldn�t you choose �Dirk� or �Lance�? Or just something neutral like �Jane� or �John�? I mean, sure, �Yolanda� is unquestionably American (I�m afraid I�m not so sure about �Carlos�). But does she understand the cultural implications of her name?
� 2005 Geoff Gladstone
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